You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
