the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
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