I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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