Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
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