I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
