Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
