Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
