Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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