He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
