I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
i need some magic done to my vagina
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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