i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
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