i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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