There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
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