So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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