I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
