i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
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I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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