Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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