I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
