So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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