no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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