2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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