Fine. I'll sleep in my office
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
