No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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