I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
