I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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