We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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