I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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