Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Found the puke drawer
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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