Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Randomize