Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
