I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
