Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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