He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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