He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
