I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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