New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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