don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
