He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
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