Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
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My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...