Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize