U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Best friends brother. Beat that.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
