you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
