I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize