Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
