dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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