my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
how do flat chested girls get laid?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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