my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
