That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
