Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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