Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
