good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
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