My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
