i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
