my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
