He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
