Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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