Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
