Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
