I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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