Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
