Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
