Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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