so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
