Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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