if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
