I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
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Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
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Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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