exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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