I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
So vagazzling was a success
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
