she kept yelling 'call me bella'
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
