He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
