I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
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you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
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If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in