There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?