Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
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Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
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Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue