Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
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He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
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So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
The uberlube is also flammable
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.