i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
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Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
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He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits