I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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