I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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