I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
