I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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