I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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