dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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