I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
