"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
