sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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