Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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