There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
