oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
