I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
