if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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