You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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