In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
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dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
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He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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