I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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