I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
