can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
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i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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