it hurts more in the daytime
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
