On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
