so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
